The one thing that gives me hope

Have you ever felt like you just were the worst person to walk this earth?
Well I have. And it's not a pretty road to go down.

Ever since I was a little girl, I've always been a compulsive liar. I lied about everything under the sun, but I didn't really feel sorry about it.

Even today, I'm still trying to get over it. I feel like "18" is coming to swift. I don't think I'm ready to be a responsible adult if I have all these unfinished life projects to work out.

Some days I think I'm really smart and cute and funny. But I'm constantly reminded how I'm no better than a person who lies all the time. I say STUPID things, I don't think before I open my mouth, and I'm pretty selfish.

These are the days that I'm like "Ok. God should only allow a max amount of grace to give to me cause I seem to screw EVERYTHING up."

But that's what blows my mind! His mercies are NEW every morning! EVERY single day, He gives me mercy and grace to do things right. I can't wrap my head around it.

That is what gives me hope. I'm no good, except when He has forgiven me and gives me grace to sin no more. I'm no good, but because of his love for me and his mercy for all I can walk in freedom.

I DON'T DESERVE IT!! NO ONE DESERVES IT!
BUT HE GIVES IT FREELY!! To every man who calls on him.

God, I'm learning. I need your grace today. Thank you for being the cushion when I fall. Thank you for giving me second, third, fourth,etc... chances. You've never stopped loving me, even when I gave up on you. Help me to walk in your grace, to go and sin no more. I want no gain from anyone but you. I don't care about anything that people think about me, except what you think about me. Guide me, Father. And help me to forgive myself.