I DON'T WANT TO DO IT!!!
I know I should be working on my research paper right now, but I DON'T WANT TO DO IT!!!
It already took me forever to just log on to the wireless internet, so now I'm just like "I don't care."
I'm horrible right? Worst procrastinator of all time. But I really really really really really don't want to do it!
This class, I feel, is eating me up! Its history, and my professor makes us take endless upon endless notes and I feel like I can't keep up.
This is when the "small fish in a big pond" mentality kicks in and I'm like "I'm from High school! I DON'T BELONG WITH THESE OLD PEOPLE!"
But then I get relieved when the student next to me says how she doesn't get this class either. I'm not alone in my brain farts.
But ya, sooooo I'm sitting here in the college library, originally planned on doing research, and now it is so striking to me that......
I DON'T WANT TO DO IT RIGHT NOW! I wasted all my energy trying to figure out how to just get on the internet. ugh.
So class starts in ten minutes, and I believe that this blog was a good, nice, wonderful waste of my time.
Thank you for reading. <3
We FALL down
We get up
Friday, January 28, 2011
Thursday, January 27, 2011
The Fast. (Sounds ominous)
So my church started this fast that lasts for 21 days.
I decided to fast facebook, which is EXTREMELY difficult because facebook is my life. haha
But it wouldn't be a very successful fast if I just took the easy route, so ya I am fasting something that is actually important to me.
You hear that God? I love you that much!
Ahahaha. Ya, so I at the beginning it was insanely difficult! I didn't know what to do with myself, because whenever I got bored, I would just update my status or just see who's on to chat or just play Hotel City.
But since I couldn't do that, I put more time to my music, and it was surprising how fast God worked on me. Because I had so much more time available, I could be with Him more.
He really opened my eyes on the way I see people and also myself. And also on the way that I treat him. I have become a ton more reliant on Him for my issues instead of just worrying about them. And, they just work themselves out!
Its awesome! Just by turning off the computer, He can talk to me more deeply and I can hear him more clearly.
That poem I wrote earlier was completely from Him. I really take no credit except that the pen happened to be in my hand at that moment that He said it.
I love this! I'm going to keep the TV off even after the fast ends this Sunday.
I'll be able to check my facebook, but I am seriously going to cut back on it, cause I love this closeness too much to just lose it after a month of time with God.
Bye!
I decided to fast facebook, which is EXTREMELY difficult because facebook is my life. haha
But it wouldn't be a very successful fast if I just took the easy route, so ya I am fasting something that is actually important to me.
You hear that God? I love you that much!
Ahahaha. Ya, so I at the beginning it was insanely difficult! I didn't know what to do with myself, because whenever I got bored, I would just update my status or just see who's on to chat or just play Hotel City.
But since I couldn't do that, I put more time to my music, and it was surprising how fast God worked on me. Because I had so much more time available, I could be with Him more.
He really opened my eyes on the way I see people and also myself. And also on the way that I treat him. I have become a ton more reliant on Him for my issues instead of just worrying about them. And, they just work themselves out!
Its awesome! Just by turning off the computer, He can talk to me more deeply and I can hear him more clearly.
That poem I wrote earlier was completely from Him. I really take no credit except that the pen happened to be in my hand at that moment that He said it.
I love this! I'm going to keep the TV off even after the fast ends this Sunday.
I'll be able to check my facebook, but I am seriously going to cut back on it, cause I love this closeness too much to just lose it after a month of time with God.
Bye!
Rollercoaster. woo. hoo.
*Sigh*
...
I'm tired. Of course I'm always tired, but I started taking this vitamin that helps me stay awake. Woo hoo.
I know I'm a girl and all (good thing to) and that girls have whirling emotions. But there are days when I really wish that I could stay feeling something for more than 20 minutes before I turn all dull and sad.
GAHG!
Anyways, ya. Yesterday was one of those days that I was like really happy in the morning, the afternoon I got kinda sad, and then at night I slowly declined to a sense of indifference.
THATS THE WORST OF ALL!!!!!!
Guys don't understand. Girls LIVE and BREATH on emotions and when they are just not there, then what do we do?
WE GET DEPRESSED!
Its a vicious cycle and it happens all the time. Thats why we call our friends just to have someone to cry to for absolutely no reason and they understand. That's why we get mad at guys all the time, because guys don't understand.
It's a trick for the dudes, cause you can NEVER know what it's about because we cry for no reason at all except that we just feel the need to.
I don't understand it sometimes, and I get annoyed at some girls for blaming it on the dudes for not understanding when it's not their fault at all.
Girls need to realize that you guys are just not the emotional geniuses that the fairy tales depict you guys as. Sorry about that. That's a lot of RESPONSIBILITY on your shoulders.
I don't know why I write this to guys cause no one reads this blog except my friend (who's a girl) Savanna.
like I said earlier, this has sorta become a diary.
Ya, since I'm still fasting Facebook and TV I might write a second blog about that right after this one cause I got time. hahahaha
bye!
...
I'm tired. Of course I'm always tired, but I started taking this vitamin that helps me stay awake. Woo hoo.
I know I'm a girl and all (good thing to) and that girls have whirling emotions. But there are days when I really wish that I could stay feeling something for more than 20 minutes before I turn all dull and sad.
GAHG!
Anyways, ya. Yesterday was one of those days that I was like really happy in the morning, the afternoon I got kinda sad, and then at night I slowly declined to a sense of indifference.
THATS THE WORST OF ALL!!!!!!
Guys don't understand. Girls LIVE and BREATH on emotions and when they are just not there, then what do we do?
WE GET DEPRESSED!
Its a vicious cycle and it happens all the time. Thats why we call our friends just to have someone to cry to for absolutely no reason and they understand. That's why we get mad at guys all the time, because guys don't understand.
It's a trick for the dudes, cause you can NEVER know what it's about because we cry for no reason at all except that we just feel the need to.
I don't understand it sometimes, and I get annoyed at some girls for blaming it on the dudes for not understanding when it's not their fault at all.
Girls need to realize that you guys are just not the emotional geniuses that the fairy tales depict you guys as. Sorry about that. That's a lot of RESPONSIBILITY on your shoulders.
I don't know why I write this to guys cause no one reads this blog except my friend (who's a girl) Savanna.
like I said earlier, this has sorta become a diary.
Ya, since I'm still fasting Facebook and TV I might write a second blog about that right after this one cause I got time. hahahaha
bye!
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
Them (An original poem by me :D)
"Reaching out to them
Feeling your heart for them
They are your lost children,
searching blindly for love and protection
They are vile and gross
They do disgusting things in your eyes.
And yet..
You love them!
With all your being, you love each one.
I can feel a fraction of the burden you carry.
You want to hold your children;
You want to feed your children;
You want to save them from hell,
You are there to break the enemies spell.
But they PUSH,
PUSH,
PUSH you back.
SCREAMING obscenities at your pummeled face!
SPITTING vile words at your pierced feet!
And...
You love them.
You cry for them.
And inside, they cry for you
They just don't know it."
I wrote this waiting outside of my history class. I just finished studying with a fellow student for spanish, and it hit me how the people I never talk to, the people I constantly judge for their actions, that God wanted them.
I really felt a tug on my spirit for them, and prayed as I walked into class. Every person became recognized to me then. I saw everyone as a beloved of God. And I could hardly compose myself. My heart was breaking all over the place, for my friend in the library, for my atheist professor, for my classmates, for the people not in my classes.
I hope this poem will make you open your eyes as it did to mine. Let's see people for who they really are: Beloved Children of the Most high God.
Feeling your heart for them
They are your lost children,
searching blindly for love and protection
They are vile and gross
They do disgusting things in your eyes.
And yet..
You love them!
With all your being, you love each one.
I can feel a fraction of the burden you carry.
You want to hold your children;
You want to feed your children;
You want to save them from hell,
You are there to break the enemies spell.
But they PUSH,
PUSH,
PUSH you back.
SCREAMING obscenities at your pummeled face!
SPITTING vile words at your pierced feet!
And...
You love them.
You cry for them.
And inside, they cry for you
They just don't know it."
I wrote this waiting outside of my history class. I just finished studying with a fellow student for spanish, and it hit me how the people I never talk to, the people I constantly judge for their actions, that God wanted them.
I really felt a tug on my spirit for them, and prayed as I walked into class. Every person became recognized to me then. I saw everyone as a beloved of God. And I could hardly compose myself. My heart was breaking all over the place, for my friend in the library, for my atheist professor, for my classmates, for the people not in my classes.
I hope this poem will make you open your eyes as it did to mine. Let's see people for who they really are: Beloved Children of the Most high God.
Monday, January 17, 2011
I find it refreshing...
I find it extremely difficult when I am assigned to read a chapter in my history book, and when I read it, I'm am sooo forced into my boredom that I don't recall anything that I read making the whole project futile.
Ooh, the life I have.
But it is refreshing to get kicked out of the living room therefore forcing me to go the confinement of my bed and bedroom, where which I am finishing this blog.
Its nice that no one reads this thing anymore.
Its more like a diary now. hehehehehe
And it is a ton less embarrassing than sitting in front of a camera and making a fool of myself.
Anyways, I just saw "The King's Speech" and I must say that my love for Collin Firth increased by like a billion! I thought that Mr. Darcy was his best role untl this movie came about.
What I find funny also is that Jennifer Ehle, who played Elizabeth in the six hour version (and from what I think, better) of Pride And Prejudice, was in the movie as well. She was a lot older, but it still struck me odd that she wasn't really a main character. It would've been way cute if she played the king's wife, which would all the more make me want to reference that their romance in Pride and Prejudice was most AWESOME!!
Sigh,
Anyway, I got to go to bed to gain some sort of rest before my brain is bombarded with Spanish nouns in the morning.
Manana.
Ooh, the life I have.
But it is refreshing to get kicked out of the living room therefore forcing me to go the confinement of my bed and bedroom, where which I am finishing this blog.
Its nice that no one reads this thing anymore.
Its more like a diary now. hehehehehe
And it is a ton less embarrassing than sitting in front of a camera and making a fool of myself.
Anyways, I just saw "The King's Speech" and I must say that my love for Collin Firth increased by like a billion! I thought that Mr. Darcy was his best role untl this movie came about.
What I find funny also is that Jennifer Ehle, who played Elizabeth in the six hour version (and from what I think, better) of Pride And Prejudice, was in the movie as well. She was a lot older, but it still struck me odd that she wasn't really a main character. It would've been way cute if she played the king's wife, which would all the more make me want to reference that their romance in Pride and Prejudice was most AWESOME!!
Sigh,
Anyway, I got to go to bed to gain some sort of rest before my brain is bombarded with Spanish nouns in the morning.
Manana.
Saturday, January 15, 2011
The True Miss America
You know you are meant to be on Miss America if you have:
1. While on Lifeguard duty, saved a child from drowning
2. Delivered 2 litters of puppies.
3. Can yodel through a ventriloquist doll
4. Can use a super-sized bottle of hairspray in one day
5. Wear petroleum jelly on your teeth to keep your smile big
6. Are from Texas
7. Can smile when your rivalry has stolen your lifelong dream.
8. You know how to answer questions without actually answering the questions
9. Long for world peace.
10. Your feet are in a constant arch from walking in heels for so long.
If you qualify for all these, then it is your destiny to become Miss America.
Congratulations. :)
1. While on Lifeguard duty, saved a child from drowning
2. Delivered 2 litters of puppies.
3. Can yodel through a ventriloquist doll
4. Can use a super-sized bottle of hairspray in one day
5. Wear petroleum jelly on your teeth to keep your smile big
6. Are from Texas
7. Can smile when your rivalry has stolen your lifelong dream.
8. You know how to answer questions without actually answering the questions
9. Long for world peace.
10. Your feet are in a constant arch from walking in heels for so long.
If you qualify for all these, then it is your destiny to become Miss America.
Congratulations. :)
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
The one thing that gives me hope
Have you ever felt like you just were the worst person to walk this earth?
Well I have. And it's not a pretty road to go down.
Ever since I was a little girl, I've always been a compulsive liar. I lied about everything under the sun, but I didn't really feel sorry about it.
Even today, I'm still trying to get over it. I feel like "18" is coming to swift. I don't think I'm ready to be a responsible adult if I have all these unfinished life projects to work out.
Some days I think I'm really smart and cute and funny. But I'm constantly reminded how I'm no better than a person who lies all the time. I say STUPID things, I don't think before I open my mouth, and I'm pretty selfish.
These are the days that I'm like "Ok. God should only allow a max amount of grace to give to me cause I seem to screw EVERYTHING up."
But that's what blows my mind! His mercies are NEW every morning! EVERY single day, He gives me mercy and grace to do things right. I can't wrap my head around it.
That is what gives me hope. I'm no good, except when He has forgiven me and gives me grace to sin no more. I'm no good, but because of his love for me and his mercy for all I can walk in freedom.
I DON'T DESERVE IT!! NO ONE DESERVES IT!
BUT HE GIVES IT FREELY!! To every man who calls on him.
God, I'm learning. I need your grace today. Thank you for being the cushion when I fall. Thank you for giving me second, third, fourth,etc... chances. You've never stopped loving me, even when I gave up on you. Help me to walk in your grace, to go and sin no more. I want no gain from anyone but you. I don't care about anything that people think about me, except what you think about me. Guide me, Father. And help me to forgive myself.
Well I have. And it's not a pretty road to go down.
Ever since I was a little girl, I've always been a compulsive liar. I lied about everything under the sun, but I didn't really feel sorry about it.
Even today, I'm still trying to get over it. I feel like "18" is coming to swift. I don't think I'm ready to be a responsible adult if I have all these unfinished life projects to work out.
Some days I think I'm really smart and cute and funny. But I'm constantly reminded how I'm no better than a person who lies all the time. I say STUPID things, I don't think before I open my mouth, and I'm pretty selfish.
These are the days that I'm like "Ok. God should only allow a max amount of grace to give to me cause I seem to screw EVERYTHING up."
But that's what blows my mind! His mercies are NEW every morning! EVERY single day, He gives me mercy and grace to do things right. I can't wrap my head around it.
That is what gives me hope. I'm no good, except when He has forgiven me and gives me grace to sin no more. I'm no good, but because of his love for me and his mercy for all I can walk in freedom.
I DON'T DESERVE IT!! NO ONE DESERVES IT!
BUT HE GIVES IT FREELY!! To every man who calls on him.
God, I'm learning. I need your grace today. Thank you for being the cushion when I fall. Thank you for giving me second, third, fourth,etc... chances. You've never stopped loving me, even when I gave up on you. Help me to walk in your grace, to go and sin no more. I want no gain from anyone but you. I don't care about anything that people think about me, except what you think about me. Guide me, Father. And help me to forgive myself.
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