So I just finished typing out my final draft for my paper and I'm exhausted
I have been physically and emotionally exhausted lately.
It's like God has become a closed book to me and just for the past couple months I just wanted to scream my head off. I'm so tired! And ticked! and no I'm not PMS-ing.
Like I'm planning on doing running start and my world around me is just spinning and spinning and spinning and I don't know whether to believe the thoughts in my head or just believe what I have learned all my life. Geeze, adolescence sucks! You have to think about all these things at some point.
But I just wish that God would come to me in a vision some time and that the vision would be long and God would just talk with me and help me figure it all out. I wish I knew what I am going to do in my life. I have no idea whatsoever. I'm probably going to just end up an accountant. But what I have always dreamed of doing is writing songs and stories and playing music. but I'm no good at it!! Which completely ruins the dream
I haven't played my piano for a long time and I haven't written a song in forever. It's like the song just kinda left me and I don't know where it went.
Sorry, I don't mean to be a downer. Just having all this stuff stuffed in me for a while makes me want to let it go and let others know and not be so closed.
So. anyways, God, please hear me. I'm tired and I want you to reveal yourself to me so I don't feel so awkward acting like I'm faking it. Give me my music back and the inspiration to play and write and to just live happy. praying for that long vision though. cause i know you do that. Do that for me, please?
AMEN.
Well, I'm tired (shocker) and I think I'm going to turn in. Good night world.
Haley, I love you. And you are an amazing piano player. Do you remember that night that we sat in your living room and worshiped? I do. I think about it a lot. That is one of my very favorite memories. I don't do that kind of thing with just anyone. You have an anointing, and I cherish you and your great big loving heart. I know what it's like to be inside a long dark tunnel and not know where the light is or when it's coming, but I feel like it's coming soon. I do love you, dear friend.
ReplyDeleteHey, best friend. I know how you feel. I still have no clue what to do with my life. I know that the things I love are drawing and writing, just like you know you love writing and music. I'd do anything to be able to keep doing those things forever, and I'm thinking you're feeling the same way. You really are talented, dude. (haha, I know, it's strange for me to say dude in this hearfelt comment, but I AM Savanna, after all)And you can't say you're "not good enough at..." "you'll just end up..." or "you can't...". You can do anything you want. Instead of stressing, make the things you love priority. Eventually, everything will work it's way out. That's what works for me. You see me drawing every day, and I know I'm not the best, or close to professional, but what I do makes me happy. I think being happy is important.Even if I'm never gonna be a pro artist when I grow up, I'm not gonna put some other thing that seems "more realistic" before the thing that matters so much to me. You know? Maybe I just rambled the whole comment long, but I really feel that you're amazing. And if you give up on yourself, I'll kick you. :b Not really. I'll just chide you. >_>
ReplyDeleteHaley you are not alone. Me too! but trust me when i read that i was thinking and am 200% sure God is testing your faith! your faith is being stretching and your going through tough times! you will pull through and blessings will fly at you like boulders and your life will be so incredible cuz it was so perfectly planned! so just hang in there!
ReplyDeleteGod is waiting around the corner!