I love love love love my church!

Today, I was on the worship team and I really loved it. I haven't been on it in a while, and it was on my new year's resolution to be back on it, so TADA! I'm back, yo!

Anyways, I thought that I would make so many mistakes, but it was like a fish to water. I just went up there and sang and played. It was refreshing to refill myself with music!

I love music! It's in my soul, it's in my brain, it's in my heart! It's all around me, and the best way to get to my heart is music.

Seriously, when I start dating, I want a guy thats gonna play me songs!

hahahaha "Play me a song, boy! Or we're through!"

oh ya. haha. But like seriously, I love music. I'm always open to new types of music that my friends recommend. Like the best way for me to get to know someone is to look at the music they listen to. That usually defines who they are in a sense.

Music has a way of hitting straight to the bullseye in people's hearts that nothing else can do. Love it!

But ya, the music I'm listening to now is like a mix of chill with a little rock sprinkled with some classical. oh ya. makes the best cake.

HAhaha. I'm running off of nervous energy from only drinking coffee, so I'm gonna have a sandwich.

byeee

solitare

So the fast is over, its a saturday, and I have NO idea what I want to do right now.

I went on facebook. woo hoo. Its been ages.

But ya, now I'm just all dressed up to go to the gym and then come home, clean the floors and start doing research for my paper.

But ya, QUESTION TIME!!!

So I got a new laptop for Christmas, (its a pc, sucka) and you know on all the new pc's that they have like all these awesome games that normally would cost money but these they give you free trials on all of them?

ITS AWESOME!!

I'm like using up all the free trials I have because these games are so SWEEEET.

I should go work out and get a six pack....

right after I play a game of Solitaire. hehe

bye

I DON'T WANT TO DO IT

I DON'T WANT TO DO IT!!!

I know I should be working on my research paper right now, but I DON'T WANT TO DO IT!!!

It already took me forever to just log on to the wireless internet, so now I'm just like "I don't care."

I'm horrible right? Worst procrastinator of all time. But I really really really really really don't want to do it!

This class, I feel, is eating me up! Its history, and my professor makes us take endless upon endless notes and I feel like I can't keep up.

This is when the "small fish in a big pond" mentality kicks in and I'm like "I'm from High school! I DON'T BELONG WITH THESE OLD PEOPLE!"

But then I get relieved when the student next to me says how she doesn't get this class either. I'm not alone in my brain farts.

But ya, sooooo I'm sitting here in the college library, originally planned on doing research, and now it is so striking to me that......

I DON'T WANT TO DO IT RIGHT NOW! I wasted all my energy trying to figure out how to just get on the internet. ugh.

So class starts in ten minutes, and I believe that this blog was a good, nice, wonderful waste of my time.

Thank you for reading. <3

The Fast. (Sounds ominous)

So my church started this fast that lasts for 21 days.

I decided to fast facebook, which is EXTREMELY difficult because facebook is my life. haha

But it wouldn't be a very successful fast if I just took the easy route, so ya I am fasting something that is actually important to me.

You hear that God? I love you that much!

Ahahaha. Ya, so I at the beginning it was insanely difficult! I didn't know what to do with myself, because whenever I got bored, I would just update my status or just see who's on to chat or just play Hotel City.

But since I couldn't do that, I put more time to my music, and it was surprising how fast God worked on me. Because I had so much more time available, I could be with Him more.

He really opened my eyes on the way I see people and also myself. And also on the way that I treat him. I have become a ton more reliant on Him for my issues instead of just worrying about them. And, they just work themselves out!

Its awesome! Just by turning off the computer, He can talk to me more deeply and I can hear him more clearly.

That poem I wrote earlier was completely from Him. I really take no credit except that the pen happened to be in my hand at that moment that He said it.

I love this! I'm going to keep the TV off even after the fast ends this Sunday.

I'll be able to check my facebook, but I am seriously going to cut back on it, cause I love this closeness too much to just lose it after a month of time with God.

Bye!

Rollercoaster. woo. hoo.

*Sigh*

...

I'm tired. Of course I'm always tired, but I started taking this vitamin that helps me stay awake. Woo hoo.

I know I'm a girl and all (good thing to) and that girls have whirling emotions. But there are days when I really wish that I could stay feeling something for more than 20 minutes before I turn all dull and sad.

GAHG!

Anyways, ya. Yesterday was one of those days that I was like really happy in the morning, the afternoon I got kinda sad, and then at night I slowly declined to a sense of indifference.

THATS THE WORST OF ALL!!!!!!

Guys don't understand. Girls LIVE and BREATH on emotions and when they are just not there, then what do we do?

WE GET DEPRESSED!

Its a vicious cycle and it happens all the time. Thats why we call our friends just to have someone to cry to for absolutely no reason and they understand. That's why we get mad at guys all the time, because guys don't understand.

It's a trick for the dudes, cause you can NEVER know what it's about because we cry for no reason at all except that we just feel the need to.

I don't understand it sometimes, and I get annoyed at some girls for blaming it on the dudes for not understanding when it's not their fault at all.

Girls need to realize that you guys are just not the emotional geniuses that the fairy tales depict you guys as. Sorry about that. That's a lot of RESPONSIBILITY on your shoulders.

I don't know why I write this to guys cause no one reads this blog except my friend (who's a girl) Savanna.

like I said earlier, this has sorta become a diary.

Ya, since I'm still fasting Facebook and TV I might write a second blog about that right after this one cause I got time. hahahaha

bye!

Them (An original poem by me :D)

"Reaching out to them
Feeling your heart for them
They are your lost children,
searching blindly for love and protection

They are vile and gross
They do disgusting things in your eyes.
And yet..
You love them!
With all your being, you love each one.

I can feel a fraction of the burden you carry.
You want to hold your children;
You want to feed your children;
You want to save them from hell,
You are there to break the enemies spell.

But they PUSH,
PUSH,
PUSH you back.
SCREAMING obscenities at your pummeled face!
SPITTING vile words at your pierced feet!

And...
You love them.
You cry for them.

And inside, they cry for you
They just don't know it."

I wrote this waiting outside of my history class. I just finished studying with a fellow student for spanish, and it hit me how the people I never talk to, the people I constantly judge for their actions, that God wanted them.

I really felt a tug on my spirit for them, and prayed as I walked into class. Every person became recognized to me then. I saw everyone as a beloved of God. And I could hardly compose myself. My heart was breaking all over the place, for my friend in the library, for my atheist professor, for my classmates, for the people not in my classes.

I hope this poem will make you open your eyes as it did to mine. Let's see people for who they really are: Beloved Children of the Most high God.

I find it refreshing...

I find it extremely difficult when I am assigned to read a chapter in my history book, and when I read it, I'm am sooo forced into my boredom that I don't recall anything that I read making the whole project futile.

Ooh, the life I have.

But it is refreshing to get kicked out of the living room therefore forcing me to go the confinement of my bed and bedroom, where which I am finishing this blog.

Its nice that no one reads this thing anymore.

Its more like a diary now. hehehehehe

And it is a ton less embarrassing than sitting in front of a camera and making a fool of myself.

Anyways, I just saw "The King's Speech" and I must say that my love for Collin Firth increased by like a billion! I thought that Mr. Darcy was his best role untl this movie came about.

What I find funny also is that Jennifer Ehle, who played Elizabeth in the six hour version (and from what I think, better) of Pride And Prejudice, was in the movie as well. She was a lot older, but it still struck me odd that she wasn't really a main character. It would've been way cute if she played the king's wife, which would all the more make me want to reference that their romance in Pride and Prejudice was most AWESOME!!

Sigh,

Anyway, I got to go to bed to gain some sort of rest before my brain is bombarded with Spanish nouns in the morning.

Manana.